You would have never guessed it....

...but I have another little sister as well. I felt kind of bad for not even mentioning her the other day. We call her StephyJ, and she's 13 going on absolutely adorable! She reminds me of a strange combination of myself and Jenn. Like Jenn, she’s musically talented (in fact, as I type this, she’s downstairs learning a Foo Fighters song on her new electric guitar), and like me, she enjoys acting and musicals. She’s smart but doesn’t like school. She looks more like me (only much cuter!) with her brown hair and dark complexion. She loves to write, like me, but she is definitely more messy, like Jenn. She’s very mature for her age, which is probably why we get along so well. And she has a sense of humor like no other. When the three of us get together (and we’re not fighting), you are guaranteed at least a million laughs. I can pretty much con her into helping with any of my ‘projects’, which include anything from arts and crafts to baking extravaganzas to outdoor adventures.

I was too young to really remember Jenn being born, but when Steph arrived, I was 8 years old. I was so excited when Mom and Dad told me I was going to have ANOTHER baby sister to cuddle and, yes, boss around. :) We have quite a few hours of home video where I talk about my new baby sister and make up songs and dances about her. I even (much to my mother’s embarrassment, and now over 10 years later, my own) asked my classmates and teachers to make cards and get gifts for her and my mother. I still have that huge box of cards. My favorites were “Debi, it’s gonna be a BOY!” and “If you have your baby and don’t like it, I could probably keep it for you.” And the baby illustrations provided by a bunch of 7, 8, and 9-year-olds were priceless. The day she was born, I was coming back from a field trip and the bus dropped me off at the hospital on our way past so I could go see her. It was one of the most exciting moments of my life!

She has grown up quite a bit since then. Now she’s a little fashion diva. And she’s almost taller than Jenn and me. She’s always reminding us that her doctor says she is going to be 5’7”….my 5’4¾” self hopes that’s not the case. The oldest should be the tallest, in my humble opinion. :) Anyway, this weekend we have had plenty of bonding time because Jenn has been working and going to graduation parties. We spend a lot of time these days watching the old school Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys shows from the 70s…I’ve got her hooked! The other day StephyJ decided she wanted to make ice cream cone cupcakes….only we didn’t have any ice cream cones or sprinkles. So she convinced Mom to take us to the grocery store. It turned out to be quite an interesting trip. I got the sprinkles and some more icing, and Steph got Reese’s Puffs cereal, a Lunchable, and a magazine, pulling a classic Stephani. Five minutes after we left, I all of a sudden remembered that we’d forgotten the cones. Oops. When we finally made it home, there was quite the surprise waiting for us…

 Yep, apparently in our short absence, it hailed…..a lot! It was mostly melted by the time we got home, so I can’t imagine how big it was originally, but I’m glad we missed it. Finally Steph and I started making our ice cream cone cupcakes. Steph wanted yellow cake with chocolate icing and I wanted chocolate cake with white icing, and neither of us were willing to compromise. So…..

…we ended up with 48 ice cream cone cupcakes. Yikes. Too bad everyone in our house is trying to watch their weight and eat healthy. One of those cupcakes probably equals 3 miles on the treadmill for Jess. However, they look absolutely delicious! Ice cream cone cupcakes, anyone?

Then yesterday we went shopping and to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4, for the second time. We just love that movie. And Johnny Depp. And whoever plays the cute preacher boy. Haha I love shopping with Steph because we have similar taste in clothes, and plus, she will tell you how it is when trying on clothes. I wish I would have had an older sister to take me shopping and loan me $40. Poor Dad hung out in Cabela’s while we shopped. He used to be quite the shopper but I don’t think he has it in him anymore. Lol

Today we are going to a Memorial Day service with the fam, and then who knows what adventures we will have! Maybe washing Mom's car, since it's going to be a gazillion degrees today. lol Even though today is just another 'day off' for some people, I'm hoping that America doesn't forget what this day is really about. There are countless men and women who have died so that we could be free. Fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, that have sacrificed everything to make sure America stays "the land of the free and home of the brave". I pray that God rewards their bravery and protects all of the men and women serving today!

So all in all, Stephyj and I have had quite the successful weekend! Happy Memorial Day, everyone! :)

from Jess, with love <3

always

another one prepares to leave the nest...

It’s hard to believe, but tonight my family will be celebrating the graduation of my little sister Jenna…although at almost 18, she’s not really “little” anymore. Just yesterday, I was the one graduating high school. Only “yesterday” was actually 3 years ago. So I guess maybe there’s some distortion of reality here.

Even though Jenn drives me crazy sometimes, and if you ask her, I drive her crazy all the time, I am so proud of her. I know that when she started high school people had expectations of her that were based on my high school performance, and I’m sure that wasn’t easy for her. We are two very different people; about the only thing we share is our parents, bright blue eyes, and a love for music (although for the most part it’s very different types of music...haha). While I am more serious and goal-oriented, Jenn is carefree and laid-back. I am more academically talented; she is more athletically talented. We are practically mirror opposites. But just because we are different doesn’t mean her accomplishments are any less or more important than mine, and it’s not easy to make her understand this.

High school is hard for so many different reasons, and one of them is that there is so much weight put on academic excellence. Anyone who doesn’t excel academically tends to get lost in the shuffle. Jenn has so many gifts, but you can’t measure her achievements on a grading scale. She’s a devoted friend, an amazing singer, a self-taught guitarist, a talented volleyball player, and the best center-fielder I know (despite having to sit out her senior year due to an injury).

However, as I said in my speech when I graduated (yesterday, of course!), “You are more than an A on a test, more than the winning touchdown, more than a plaque on the wall. Each one of you is a unique individual with the ability to leave this world a better place than you found it.” And this is so true for Jenn. Ten years from now, high school won’t matter.  Jenn is going to go places in life, and people will remember her, but it will be for her unique personality, caring heart, and (hopefully!) her musical talent.

She probably doesn’t remember it (and maybe she would deny it if she did), but when she was younger (much younger), she looked up to me. We spent many a day dressing up our kittens in doll clothes, catching crawdads in the creek, and “adopting” critters we found on the farm. We camped out in the backyard, put on finger puppet shows, and ate Play-Doh together (yup, kinda gross but totally true). I would give anything to go back to those days when all we had was each other (although we can leave out the Play-Doh eating part…haha). We still have our good moments, but I know we probably spend more time these days arguing than anything else. And while I know most siblings have their fair share of fights, I hope that Jenn’s graduation is a new beginning for us as sisters as well as a new beginning for her life. I would love for us to one day be best friends and not just sisters. Because a lot of things have changed, but one thing stays the same; we are part of a family, and when it comes to the brightest of days and the darkest of nights, all we have in life is God, and the love of our family.

So congrats to my “little” sis Jenn (aka Rockstarr Jenn) and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you! I’m sure it will be bright, bold, and beautiful! :) 

from Jess, with love <3

always

113 days of summer...

That’s what I have to look forward to. Over one hundred days free from homework, paper-writing, 8 ams, and exams! Third year of physical therapy school, check. Only three and a half years left. Good thing I love college. And my classes. And I know I’m going to love being a physical therapist. So that (and a doctorate degree) will make all this hard work worth it.

Physical therapy school isn’t easy. The program demands academic excellence and dedication to your learning. The curriculum is challenging and the grading scale is harsh. It requires focus and time-management skills. For me, though, all of the demands and requirements aren’t the hardest part (yet?).

The hardest part is not losing sight of what’s really important. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress of studying constantly, trying (and often failing) to get perfect grades, and balancing school stuff with “me time”. I have to constantly remind myself not to let my academic performance define me. I have struggled my whole life with perfectionism. My goal has never simply been to “do my best”….my best needed to be better than everyone else’s best. This goal began with academics, but soon expanded to all other areas of my life. I thrived on all the praise that my countless awards and achievements brought me.

I can’t exactly say when or why things changed, but one day it hit me. I was experiencing a lot of self-induced stress because in college, much like the rest of my academic career, I had decided to become involved in every organization I could and take as many classes as I was allowed. I was “super-Jess” in the eyes of many of my fellow students, and that was a role I was clinging to despite the strain it was putting on my relationship with God and my relationship with my family. And even though I was achieving everything I had intended, being “super-Jess” was draining me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In a moment where I was surrounded by all of my ‘obligations’ and feeling particularly overwhelmed, I looked up to God, and silently asked, Why am I doing all of this? I stopped everything and thought long and hard about the purpose of each of my commitments. I sat in silence, and some time later, I heard a small voice inside my head.

To gain the praise and admiration of others.

What? That couldn’t be it.

There had to be another reason. Surely I was doing these things because I enjoyed them. Or because it was benefiting others in some way.

To gain the praise and admiration of others.

…

…

Nope, that’ s it.

I was momentarily stunned, and more than a little ashamed. While there were some activities I did truly enjoy, most were simply another line on my resume. Another reason for someone to look at me and say, “Wow, how do you do it all?”

Over the next few days, I reflected on what I truly desired in life. I wanted to be a reflection of God’s love, His faithful servant, a caring friend, and one day, a successful physical therapist and a loving wife and mother.

That is where I find myself today.

It has been a long process, but I have finally accepted the fact that my academic performance and my involvement in college don’t have much bearing on the long-term goals I want to achieve. I might not always get an A, I might not graduate the top of my class, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be a good physical therapist. People might not always acknowledge the good things I do, but God does, and that’s all that should matter. I will never be perfect, but that’s okay, because God knows that I will make mistakes and fall from grace. I am trying to fill my life with meaningful things, activities that I enjoy and people that will help me grow. And I am finding that my load has been so much lighter and life has been so much more enjoyable.

I know that next year, school will be even more challenging, but hopefully by giving a little more control to God and not relying on the praise of others, I will make it through just fine. And I have a whole summer to strengthen my relationship with God and my relationship with my family.

from Jess, with love<3
always

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you." Philippians 3:12-15

Hit the Ground Running....

Sometimes, that's the best way to do things. I'm a thinker by nature. I struggle with control and perfectionism. So just by knowing those few things, you might not be surprised to find out that I have been debating for weeks -honest, I have- on how to begin this blog. I had to ask myself the question, Why exactly are you doing this again? It's not like I'm new to the whole blogging thing. I've had several try-and-fail blogs, and though most of them never made it past 200 entries, they present an genuine picture of my growth from an awkward, insecure teenager to a strong, confident, 20-something woman.

When I'm looking back at those blogs, I can see why they didn't work. The day I stopped writing for myself was the exact moment when the blogs became a chore. I wasn't writing what I wanted to write; I was writing what I thought others wanted me to write. I was trying too hard. I had grown so accustomed to comments about how my entries were 'hilarious' and 'insightful' and 'inspiring' that I was afraid to post anything not up to that standard. And now that I know what I was doing wrong, maybe I'll have better luck with this blog.

But of course, this blog is public. Because writing for myself means writing from my heart. And while it doesn't matter to me whether I have one devoted reader or fifty, I would love for my words to have a positive impact on someone else's life. I am young, but I have a passion for God, my family, and life that is hopefully evident in my writing. There are so many things I love, and so many wonderful experiences that I want to share with others. Life hasn't always been easy, but I have never once been able to forget how incredibly blessed I have been. I have a heart full of love and life and that is something I want to offer to every person I meet.

from jess, with love <3